Across from Her Brother

No Moves Taken Back

1Derya set the chess clock between herself and her older brother, Cem. At home, their games usually dissolved into lessons: he stopped the clock, reversed her moves, and explained what she should have noticed. Today, at the recreation center's open chess afternoon, she had asked for a game that would count toward the center's ladder rankings.

2Cem pulled out his chair. “Want me to talk through my thinking?” he asked. Derya straightened the pieces along her side of the board. “Afterward,” she said. “During the game, I want an opponent.” He glanced at the clock before nodding. Around them, players settled into the low scrape and click of an ordinary Saturday.

3For several moves, Derya followed a familiar opening. Then Cem pushed a pawn she had expected him to protect. She answered quickly, pleased to recognize an attack, and left her knight undefended. Cem reached toward it, stopped, and said, “You missed something.” His hand hovered above the board, offering her the old arrangement without saying its name.

4Derya could already hear the explanation he would give. Taking the move back would keep the game even, but afterward she would wonder whose game she had played. “Then take it,” she said. Cem captured the knight and pressed his clock. For the first time that afternoon, he leaned forward without speaking.

5The missing knight made Derya's position cramped. She nearly pushed another pawn just to do something, then folded her hands beneath the table. Instead of searching for the move she wished she had made, she studied the pieces that remained. A rook could enter Cem's side of the board if she let him capture a pawn. She checked the danger twice before moving.

6Cem took the pawn. Two moves later, he reached for his queen, paused, and withdrew his hand. “You wanted me to take that,” he said. Derya kept her eyes on the board. His next move defended against her rook instead of extending his attack. She had not recovered the knight, but he was answering her plans now.

7As their time ran low, the exchanges left neither player with a promising way to win. Cem offered a draw. Derya searched his face for the gentle smile he used when letting her finish a puzzle. He was looking at the board, his shoulders tight. She examined the position once more and accepted.

8At the results desk, Cem handed her the pencil instead of writing for both of them. Outside, he asked, “Will you show me what you saw with that rook?” Derya opened her notebook. She drew the position before beginning, leaving enough space beside it for his questions.