Portrait Booth: Voice and Mood Choices

Subject: Portrait Booth—Before We Open Reservations

1To: Marisol | From: Tenzin Thanks for sending the draft for our portrait booth fundraiser. Students could reserve a short photo session with a friend, and the money remaining after expenses would help cover instrument rental fees for students. Before we open reservations, I want to make sure our email separates confirmed arrangements from possibilities. A confident message should not make an unfinished plan sound settled.

2Your opening says, “The backdrop was tested yesterday.” That gives us a useful update, but it leaves out who did the work. We need volunteers to know whom to ask about the setup. Could we name the people responsible in the next draft? Salma and I tested the backdrop yesterday. We checked that it would fit behind two people without blocking the doorway.

3In the public announcement, though, I would keep the sentence “Portrait files will be delivered privately to each participant.” Families need to notice what will happen to their files, not which student will click the send button. We should also explain that participants choose whether their portraits may appear in our event recap. Buying a session should not mean agreeing to public sharing.

4The room request is still awaiting approval. If the coordinator approves the media room, we will open reservations on Monday. Your draft currently says, “We will open reservations on Monday,” which leaves out that condition. Please keep the approval attached to the promise. We can prepare the reservation form now without suggesting that the room has already been assigned to us.

5There is another sentence I would change: “If the room is twice its current size, we could fit two backdrops.” We know the room is not that large, and no expansion is planned. “If the room were twice its current size, we could fit two backdrops” makes the imagined situation clearer. For the actual room, one backdrop and a waiting area seem more practical than two crowded stations.

6Finally, I recommend that each participant receive a confirmation message before paying. That wording presents a proposed procedure, not a report about what participants already receive. Could you revise the email with those differences in mind? Once the coordinator responds, we can replace any outdated conditions with confirmed details. I can review the final version after rehearsal so that we send one clear message rather than several corrections.