Egg Drop Lab Notes: Smoother Sentences

Turn choppy, wordy notes into a clear science report.

Join the notes

Short notes can sound choppy. Choose the best way to join them.

Kofi's class held an egg drop challenge. Each team built a container to keep a raw egg from cracking when it was dropped from the top of the bleachers. Kofi wrote quick notes in his science notebook. Now he is turning his notes into a report. Help him make his sentences smoother, shorter, and more interesting.

Kofi's notes: The egg fell from the top of the bleachers. It did not crack.
Choose the two sentences that join the notes correctly and keep the meaning.

A. The egg fell from the top of the bleachers, it did not crack.B. The egg fell from the top of the bleachers, but it did not crack.C. The egg fell from the top of the bleachers, so it did not crack.D. Although the egg fell from the top of the bleachers, it did not crack.

Kofi's notes: Ms. Ferreira dropped every egg from the top row. She is our science teacher.
Which sentence joins the notes best?

A. Ms. Ferreira dropped every egg from the top row, she is our science teacher.B. Ms. Ferreira dropped every egg from the top row, but she is our science teacher.C. Ms. Ferreira, our science teacher, dropped every egg from the top row.D. Our science teacher dropped every egg from the top row, Ms. Ferreira did.

Kofi's notes: Jada walked up the bleacher steps. She held our box with both hands.
Which sentence joins the notes correctly and keeps the meaning?

A. Holding our box with both hands, Jada walked up the bleacher steps.B. Holding our box with both hands, the bleacher steps were climbed by Jada.C. Jada walked up the bleacher steps, she held our box with both hands.D. Jada held our box with both hands, so she walked up the bleacher steps.

Trim the report

Wordy sentences use more words than they need. Cut the extra words but keep the meaning.

Write one word in each blank to replace the wordy words in bold.

We used a large number of straws. → We used straws.
We added cotton in order to protect the egg. → We added cotton protect the egg.
At this point in time, our box is the lightest one. → , our box is the lightest one.
In the event that the egg cracks, we will start over. → the egg cracks, we will start over.

Here are more of Kofi's notes. Circle the two sentences that say the same idea twice.

Kofi wrote: In my opinion, I think that the parachute design was the best design of all the designs we tried.
Which revision cuts the extra words but keeps his whole idea?

A. In my opinion, I think the parachute was the best design.B. I think the parachute design was the best one we tried.C. The parachute design was one of the designs we tried.D. I think the parachute design was the worst one we tried.

Stretch the sentences

Details make writing clearer and more interesting. Add details that answer a reader's questions.

Kofi wrote the short sentence: The box tipped over.
Which revision adds a detail that tells why?

A. The box tipped over on the gym floor.B. The box tipped over slowly, like a sleepy turtle.C. The box tipped over right after the drop.D. The box tipped over because one side was heavier.

Kofi added the words in bold to expand his sentences. Sort each sentence by the question its bold detail answers.

Which sentence gives the reader the clearest picture of Kofi's box?

A. Our box was a really nice box that looked very good to us.B. Our shoebox was wrapped in silver tape and packed with cotton.C. The box that we made was a good box, and it was really nice.D. Our box was the kind of box that was pretty and very cool.

10.

Join these two notes into one sentence, and add a detail that tells where: The egg landed. It did not crack.

11.

Trim this wordy sentence so it uses fewer words but keeps the meaning: Each and every team in our class made a box that was different from the other boxes.